Breath In, Breathe Out

Okay so I forgot to Let Go for the past couple of weeks. It's crucially important to my mental state that I be able to just expel hurt and anger and make the conscious decision not to allow it to hurt me- especially when I'm all ready over reacting to something trivial.

My prime example of this was tonight. I've been having issues at work for the last couple of weeks. No one there who knows me is particularly surprised. I get into moods where I simply hate certain individuals that I work with. It's not often and usually I don't hold grudges but I have been really edgy lately. Particularly with my General Manager. I actually really like her. She's a pretty cool person. She also hasn't fired me. Lots of opportunities. She can't fault my work but when I swear angrily and then walk off the job... well... yeah. That is grounds. Especially when it happens every couple of months.

A huge pet peeve is being disrespected. No, I'm not perfect and I'm not the best, but I am not the worst and I deserve to be treated like an equal rather than a slave. ASK me to do something and I will. Tell me, and then yell at me about it and I'll either just soak it in and let it fester, and rot, or I'll just explode because that will be the straw that breaks the camels back. That happened tonight. I almost quit my job on the spot. It would have been a really, really, horrible decision. Thankfully my employer understands I get like that but still... it is ridiculously unprofessional and I need to learn how to productively deal with my anger and frustrations. A job is a job, but I need to start addressing issues as they come up!

End of rant. Thank you. Good night.

Going Back

I spend a lot of time thinking about Tbilisi and my Georgian family. I have been really neglectful in my communications with them. Today, for the first time since being home, I checked my out reach leaders blog and Music page on Facebook. Looking at the pictures from some of the times makes me REALLY miss it. My banner is from Svaneti, an ethnic-region in the Caucus mountains. I believe it was either taken by Jenni (my out reach leader) or Tony, the Canadian who helped organize our trips.

I'm looking forward to the day when I will get to share the beauty of that country with someone. I have my share of regrets from the trip, but the trip itself I will never regret. Jenni and Wim, who are now engaged, just celebrated their one year. This time last year, Christine, Jenni, Wim and I did a wander around Old Tbilisi... with the cobbled roads and winding alleys and the art boardwalk by the river and the Orthodox churches, as well as our trips down Rustaveli.

Here, it's just now warming to the point where I don't need coats all of the time. This point last year, I was out in t-shirts on a regular basis, wandering through the fields in the morning during the Quiet Time we were supposed to observe before breakfast, or when we were squeezing eight of us into Jenni's two-door jeep-thing so we could go downtown to catch the metro. Sometimes I'm struck just by the surreal sense that perhaps I was never really there.. even though I know I most definitely was. Anyways. I'll go back someday. Preferably with a friend or two that will then be able to understand my wanderlust. There are times that I lack all sense of anticipation with my life and it is a horrible feeling.


I'll probably edit this later so that it makes sense.

Traveling and Adventures

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.  Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.  ~Mark Twain

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.  ~George Bernard Shaw

This past year was supposed to be my year for travel before I entered into serious study towards a degree in Human Rights or International Relations or something along those lines. Instead, I made some really stupid decisions, didn't really travel anywhere, and I actually forgot to SEND the application, although I did fill out everything for it! 

I'm in crisis mode right now, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life: because whatever it is, it's gotta start this September or I can't justify keeping my job and living at home. I refuse to be a loafer for my life occupation... and I'm pretty sure my parents won't let me mooch off of them forever. Still. Not leaving the province at the end of August for between 1 and 4 years, if not forever, means that I have some time to sort through things. One thing I know I will be doing in the next year is taking that year to travel. What is my definition of travel? It's not the modern idea of vacation... if I wanted to simply rest and relax, I would say "Screw you" to the world and lock myself in my house, as I've been known to do periodically. 

When I travel, I go for adventure and more than that, I go for the culture. Top things that interest me in a place? Anthropology, Sociology and Psychology. Okay. I know that sounds weird: but the history of the culture, the people in that culture, and the ways that culture functions. To be invited to participate in that culture, even if only for a day or two, is possibly the greatest gift that could be given.

I'm hoping that I will be able to spend this next year focusing on travel and volunteering... 

End of April I'm supposed to be going on a week vacation to Veradero, Cuba with some friends. I'm hoping to be able to travel off the resort but I may give in and just do the normal vacation thing, drink and hang out on the resort. It will be warm there. 

The last week-ish in June, I will be in Washington state for a friends wedding and visiting another friend for a week. <3

Then.. once September comes, I really don't know what I'll do. Sometime in the upcoming year, I would like to go to Scotland and Ireland for a decent length trip... my plan was, at one point, to take three weeks and backpack the UK. I would also like to participate in one of Not For Sale's first level schools, against human trafficking. Since that is predominantly where I wish to focus my career on, gaining any training at all is a crucial benefit.

Next summer, I am supposed to be doing a roughly three week long Euro trip. We will start in France, and I believe the plan is to end in Italy, but we'll be visiting other western European countries en route.