Work in Progress

Prologue


Nearly thirty thousand women and children were herded into the market square on a bright summer morning to watch the event that would change the entire future of The City. Established as a haven, the occupents were now entering into a period of tyrannical rule. This day would cause the entire city to enter a period of mourning that many believed was insurmountable.


Forced in by squads of guards- combined traitors of their nation along with those officially employed by the new king, the usurper, there was little anyone could do but stare with horror at the scaffold that had been errected in the middle of the crowd. The few men left in the city held close to their families, worried that once seperated, they would be unable to find or connect with one another again. 


Close to the outside of the crowd, Gavriel stood beside his mother. One hand tucked protectively into her own, and the other busy while he sucked his thumb. Unsure why his mama, who was so very rarely seen to be upset, had tears streaming down her face, the little boy was frightened all though he could not understand why. 


"Mama," he said, tugging at the brown tattered skirt he had never seen before, "Mama I want to go home." His naturally large hazel eyes widened as a puppies would, as he begged to be led away from the madness of the crowd.


Having temporarily forgotten he was with her, she bent quickly and picked him up before replying so no one would hear and question her refined accent combined with the peasents clothing. "We can't," she whispered, kissing his cheek before adding, "but I with that we could."


He studied his mothers face and wiped at the track tears had made down her face with his freed hand, before he burried his own in his mother neck and sniffling. He so desperately wanted to be a big boy and he knew that to do so, he must not let her see his own tears. She rubbed the back of his head, as she looking towards the scaffold with trepidation.


Despite trying to remain close to the outskirts of the crowd, she had been sucked in, until she was close enough to have a clear view of the entire spectacle. "Keep your eyes and ears closed Gav," she said, "I will tell you when it is okay to look again." He bumped his head, trying to nod without removing his chin from her collarbone. Slowly, the buzzing of the crowd died down and a man dressed in scarlet red stood on the front of the platform and read out the names of those who were to be hung. There was little ceremony, as if to diminish the rank of the royal family who were about to be "hung until dead", and the usurpers had not even bothered to try and come up with a reason. Her horror was complete as she watched her husband, the father of her three year old son and the child in her womb, take the scaffold, led blindfolded to a noose with his nephew and her elder brother. 


Despite her location, she knew her husband saw her. A moments eye contact and a glimmer of hope entered his eyes. She choked a sob back, as the board dropped out from underneath him, and it was done.

Unsettled

I can't sleep. It's strange because I have been sleeping quite a bit lately- far more than I should need to, but it's been necessary so that I could function at least a little. My fiance, who has been away for a couple of weeks, is home again. Just my luck, the day he came home, I developed a cough and a cold. Sad but true. I can not toss and turn until I drift into unsettled sleep, as became my norm while he was away so I've decided to write. Before I begin working on a story I've been mentally plotting though, I figured I would blog. My goal is going to be to begin updating once every week, at least.


Highlight of my week: When Mark came home, he brought me a big assortment of really pretty flowers, with a hand written note. He also brought a long stem, chocolate rose for me. I feel really blessed to have a man in my life who loves and respects me. I know it's kinda cliche to do the whole jewellry and flowers thing (my birthday he bought me a necklace, christmas was the engagement ring, anniversary was the flowers), but I know that he takes a lot of time and consideration into anything he gets for me, I just wish he would stop worrying about whether I will like it or not. He proposed and then spent fifteen minutes apologizing because he thought he had done it badly. I had to actually tell him to shut up so I could kiss him and give him my answer. I won't lie and say that my fiance and I are participating in a non-physical relationship-- as implied before, he lives with me-- so having someone who is always willing to respect and share boundaries is huge. We could happily live together for a long time, but he understands and respects that I don't want a common law relationship. I do not want to "play house". I can also feel confident, however, that he did not propose just to make me happy but because he really does want us to commit our lives to each other and to the family we will have. The only thing that drives me crazy is that periodically he now says things like "we're married!" or "my wifey" and I need to remind him that while we have emotionally commited ourselves to each other in that regard, we have not actually legalized it yet, which is important because its a public declaration, as well as what will eventually make us next of kin. I know that sounds silly and for many years I didn't feel any need for, or belief in, a legal marriage but I have seen first hand how signing that little piece of paper can save marriages, because it makes it that much harder to throw in the towel. It also gives me greater peace of mind, since I intend to periodically travel and because if we are ever injured or hospitalized, etc, it will give us rights to be notified.


Low point of the week: My great uncle Wayne died from cancer. Since my mom died in October, I have attended two visitations, and should have gone to the visitation for another friends father but I was out of town. I hate funerals, and was very glad that my aunt and uncle chose not to stay as I am uncomfortable in those situations. I missed the last reunion anad the family christmas, so I have not seen him for probably two years or so, and he was not one of the uncles that I was closer with, despite living fairly close to him. Still, I know he took the time at the christmas to take my dad and my sister aside and say his fairwells to them. The same day he died, he called his wife and told her that he was okay and would be home soon. At the visitation, I was okay until I went to say hi and hug one of my papa's other brothers (originally there were 8 or 9 boys, and my aunt Roberta) but got side tracked looking at the photos and it was just too much. Guilt washed over me, knowing that I had never really gotten an opportunity to get to know my uncle Wayne and that I had missed my chance to say good-bye. My uncle Terry, the brother most physically similar to my Papa and probably the one I know the best, just hugged me and let me cry. Sometimes I feel like such a baby. On my Uncle Wayne's memorial card was a poem by Emily Dickinson, that I absolutely love and have said for several years that I wanted to be my life mission.


I think I will close this post with another poem by her, a good reminder of what is important in life and how much I should be thankful for!

I HAD no time to hate, because
The grave would hinder me,
And life was not so ample I
Could finish enmity.
Nor had I time to love; but since	5
Some industry must be,
The little toil of love, I thought,
Was large enough for me.

A year in review, motivation and resolutions

Help! I need motivation and I seem to completely be lacking in it. This last year has been insane in my life. As my one year anniversary comes up, I'm reflecting on what I've managed to do this last year and it's not a whole lot. The year has been crammed full of mutually negative and positive activities but nothing that progresses.

I went to the US for a week, to be there for my Outreach leaders wedding. I got to stay with one of the other girl from the trips house and spent an awesome week being adopted into their family.

I turned 21, and was half living with my then boyfriend, now fiance.

In October, he moved out of town with not a lot of notice for a couple of months, and then at the end of October my mom died. Prior to this, the plan had been to move to the next city in the spring and start a family and register for school... the whole world turned topsy turvy for a while.

When he moved home just before christmas, he proposed to me and I accepted. We've decided to wait a year and a half, after considering all the changes in our life and relationship over the last couple of months.

I know it is well past new years but this review has made me realize that I need to work on progress... so I have made some resolutions!

1) I will register for some sort of school program for the fall
2) Find a way to get full time hours without the conflicts of trying to co-ordinate schedules together
3) Finish writing a book before the end of the year
4) Lose weight and find a reasonable way to maintain it!